Lions

The Bible says that the enemy is like a lion; walking around, seeking who he may devour.

I have been looking over my shoulder so much lately. My enemy used to be subtle. Slowly bleeding things into my life that would affect me. I usually caught on right before he could pounce. My spiritual ears were beginning to tune in to the sound of his breathing. I knew when he was there and what he was thinking and I could overcome him... every time!

This time though, he has not been so subtle. Maybe out of desperation to catch me. Instead of waiting and pouncing at the perfect moment, he is attacking with everything he has. It is a bold and fierce assault. THIS IS IT. This is his last fight with me. He knows that if I am to win THIS battle, that all other attempts on me will be useless. Every bit of his energy and every trick he knows are out of the bag. We are eye to eye. He growls and spits at me while I firmly stand against him.

This is the battle of my life.

I will tell you the truth - there are days when I look at the wounds he is inflicting

and I wonder if I can survive them.

I have to trust that strong tower in the distance. The one that I can run to and be safe in. I have to remember to abide in the shadow and to be still

and know.

I will win this!

Even if I must come out of it on my knees.

There is no other choice but to trust God's plan and win this.

I will win this...

Talk about a pain in the neck...

I'm attempting my motherly-wifely duties today.

I say attempting because I have the bones of a 90year old and any movement or position that is not agreeable to these ancient bones (no offense to you 90 year old's with "spunky young" bones) sends them into an immediate lock down mode. I seriously cannot even breathe today without pain. I CAN'T MOVE! My head is just kind of stuck here. I slept wrong. I GUESS! How does a person sleep wrong? I lay down the same way with my head on the same pillow and just ... sleep. What exactly happens to my neck at this point is a great mystery to me.

Anyway - I had to drive Morgan to piano lessons in my pajamas this morning. There was so much snow on the roads. It was an exciting ride to say the least. If my car would have gone off the road due to my lack of good peripheral vision, I would have had a grand time attempting to get a lift in my white p.j.'s with the red and blue, square stitching while slowly and stiffly walking like some kind of a mutant, robot zombie. I don't even want to think about it.

Well - like I said, I am attempting my motherly-wifely duties today and ...

what a pain in the neck!

Valleys

Every morning I wake with war before me

"Multitudes, multitudes in the valley of decision"

The battle is great and the lose is costly

So I must guard this battlefield

and keep the enemy far from me

for "the day of the Lord is near in the valley of decision"

and I have decided to FIGHT!

Super

Super angry and super selfish. That is what I woke up as this morning.

Sometimes we let little things dig away at us. They can be like tiny drops of water hitting the same spot on the rock over and over until the hard rock is worn away.

My friends wisdom was the drop of water on my rock hard heart and I am so glad she dripped her common sense into my rantings.

Super angry in the morning but super friend to the rescue.

Five Stones and Only One Giant

Here is this giant of a man

standing before them

and all they can see is a boy

Here is this prideful

bullying shadow of a coward

and they dare to call him a man

Who decides who we are?

A hand full of stones

and the giant is you.

It needed more time

I don't know what I was doing. Brandon has my head swirling with our new "day trade" adventures. Maybe I was watching the rise and fall of our mini "fortune." Maybe I was engrossed in an episode of Super Nanny. It has been years since I have watched that. Jo was just putting the boots to a couple of bad apples and their 4 & 7 year old parents. It was a serious misplacement of power and it sucked me into the magic box. Perhaps I was writing, or thinking about writing, or not writing.

Bottom line Brenda; you burnt the squash because you left it in the oven for three hours.

So when my beautiful, blue-eyed man asked me how the squash was - I simply said "they needed more time."



-he knows me too well-

The Bubble

I told Kris that I finally started a Blog. I love writing. It is such a great way to get my heart right out on the table. To poke at it and figure it out. She was so excited for me. That is why I love telling her things like this. She is genuinely thrilled at the thought of her friend doing something that could be a step closer to dream catching. We are both chasing some dreams. We are both just a little terrified to fail at getting our hands on them.

Why is that?

I think our fear is in stepping outside of the bubble.

Every one walks around in the bubble as if it is too dangerous to venture out. It's walls are thick with security so staying inside seems smart and safe. Maybe Kris and I bought into that. Maybe we are afraid to fall flat on our faces. To make fools of ourselves. Perhaps we would rather have the dream in our heads and hearts forever rather than not have it at all. If we try and fail, then we lose our dreams

...and they are such great dreams.

I think it is time we grab something sharp, and go for it!

I have a mirror in my room that hangs on the wall next to my bed. When I cannot find Roberta anywhere else, I look there. She is always posed so wonderfully for herself. She moves her eyes slowly across and up and down. She is so careful not to miss a single view of the girl in that mirror. How she must love what she sees.

I have purposed in my heart today to make God my mirror. To look into Him and see myself. To become like a child so full of wonder for my own reflection. I want to move my eyes slowly across a face of kindness. I want to pose wonderfully as a good wife and strong mother. I want to love what He sees in me. I want to be what He sees in me.

When I call Roberta away from the mirror, she always stops to take one last glance at the girl. Almost as if she doesn't want to forget how lovely the girl is.

As I go through my day, I take just a moment to fall on my knees so that I too can remember how lovely the women is.

-only you Lord-