Drunk

I watched a 5 year old get drunk this morning...

 but not as you suppose. 

It is amazing to watch God work. To see Him reach down and stir a soul. To be so mindful of people who are so fallen and broken. People like me.  

When I feel His presence, it changes me. I remember who I am again. I remember all the promises. I remember how He healed me and saved me and filled me with the Holy Ghost. 

I remember that there is nothing impossible to me. And that...

that is powerful.

I watched a 5 year old as she began to pray and thank God for loving her. I watched her as she began to cry and shake and pray and fall in love with her Creator. 5 years old and no one had to tell her how to talk to Him or act around Him. He just showed up and there was no one there but her and Him. She was filled the Holy Ghost 

and I was filled with wonder.

He is still the same. 

I don't believe in atheism...

I sat in church last night and I was utterly intoxicated by Him. I breathed Him in and He filled my lungs. I could feel Him, hear Him, and most certainly touch Him. He was every where I looked and every where I didn't.

I don't particularly believe in atheism. I don't become angry or insulted when people question if there is a god nor more than I would become angry at my children for questioning the existence of air. They don't understand what they can't see. And they don't know how to look for it.

I have become more passionate than ever about my "religion". I am a Christian before I am anything else. I am madly and recklessly in love with my Creator and want everyone to know Him like I do. If I will serve even those who deny me and their Creator... I really serve Him.

Whether they want to believe in Him or not, if I live the way He wants me to... they WILL see HIM when they look at me!

The truth is...

The truth is... sometimes we don't have words that would match up to what we feel. Sometimes, we aren't really sure what it is we feel. Heavy with some emotion we can't put our finger on or find a word or words for. That's the truth of it.

We can read about Joesph in his prison and be encouraged because we know how his story ends. But what if the only thing we could see was the part where he sat in the darkness and the shadows where the fear and doubt lived?

We relate to David daily because he is so real to us. Up and down with his struggles and sins. We rejoice in his story because God sees the David who has a heart like Christ. But what about those nights when David lay in a sackcloth pleading and agonizing in the ashes for the life of his son. What mind would we see in David then?

We can't see the end of our own story. Who will I become? What great things can be done with someone who has slept in the prisons so may times or touched some things that were forbidden to him?

Again... the truth is - that kind of heaviness is not meant for us to know. It has always belonged to God. We merely sit through it until it will pass us.

Intercede for yourself then ... only HE can see who you will one day become.

Romans 8:26...

He loves

For the person you want to become; but are not yet

God loves you

For the battles you fight to be better... and someday will win

God loves you

For those moments you look in the mirror and hate who you see, for the hands that bleed from smashed glass and slivers of doubt

God loves you

For the tear stained cheeks of the broken hearted

and the bruised knees of the many who crawl through this life

for the blistered fingers of those that grab for and hold on to whatever can't be shaken...

He loves you -

He loves you

For those who have watched someone walk in the life they have wanted... but didn't get

He loves you

For those who will raise their hands and praise with their voice and call on His name and pull down His promises... HE SEES YOU

He LoVes yOu

Today's cross

It is going to take me a while... but I will figure this out. It seems I am clinging to my cross instead of carrying it.

I am really struggling with my emotions lately. Everything is big and explosive to me. I am sweating the small stuff, and it really is small stuff ...to you.

I have this great plan though; I am going to suffer this flesh of mine like I have never suffered it before. I am going to pick my heavy cross up and not only carry it around, but display it. Push it in the face of the enemy and laugh at his confusion. I am going to learn how to trust you and depend on you for everything I need. I am going to figure this out. Be patient with me for just a while longer...

I will figure this out.